Long ago, a woman prayed that her suitors be
Repelled so she might serve God, be His only
God heard her prayers floating up and his heart was cheered
He rewarded her amply with a full beard

But then she wondered if she should start to take it easy
"Overachiever" might be putting it mildly

A student of behaviour psychology
Conditioned himself to stick to his studies
He grew tired of these routines and tried to drop them
But he was caught in his own trap and couldn't stop them

And then he wondered if he should start to take it easy
"Overachiever" might be putting it mildly

Once a man was determined to get into
The program for astronauts and go to the moon
Finally he was in space, saw the planet
Fear struck and he threw up inside his helmet

Then he wondered if he should start to take it easy
"Overachiever" might be putting it mildly

There was a boy
Who liked to wiggle his tooth loose so he could show it
And then we'd watch
While he would tie it to a doorknob, wind up, and then slam it

And that was how he liked to have his teeth pulled out
He told us how he liked to feel it when it came out

But he grew tired
Of using doorknobs and so he thought up a brand-new trick
He said he'd tie
His tooth to his dog's tail, find a stick, wind up,
And then throw it

And that was how he liked to have his teeth pulled out
He told us how he liked to feel it when it came out

He called his dog
But just as he was set to go, his dad arrived there
He yelled at him
Then got some pliers, held him, wound up, and yanked it out right there

That wasn't how he liked to have his teeth pulled out
He wouldn't tell us how it felt when it came out

Although you think me cold and slimy
I've got a nice home
I've tasted your best guacamole
And siesta'd at noon in the cool of the soil

A worm's life can be easy
If you lay low, out of sight

Sometimes it's too hot for cooking
One wants just a salad
And then comes a breeze in the evening
The men light cigars and their scent fills the air

A worm's life can be easy
If you lay low, out of sight

But then the rains come, and the ground fills with water
And I must come up to the surface for air
Then I was plucked from the wet slime
And dropped in tequila
I lay in a stupor for sometime
And one fine night I was gulped down in a shot

A worm's life can be easy
If you lay low, out of sight

When you start your journey, you go and meet your driver
You shake his hand, and hope he's feeling well
The things to come may be somewhat unfamiliar
Like eating herring where the sun does not go down
Our driver calculates what time we'll hit town

And every time a border comes
We go inside and meet with someone
Perhaps a form will need to be filled in
Then we can go and restart up the engines

Plumbing often varies in the various different countries
I like to crouch down and turn on those bidets
I'll have a cocktail, pick at my fingernails
And then I'll squat down for a wash to end the day
Our driver recommends we try the souffle

And every time a border comes
We go inside and meet with someone
Perhaps a form will need to be filled in
Then we can go and restart up the engines

Then we went down under, and we were told of farmers
Who brought some pigs here from the old country
But pigs eat turtle eggs and turtles eat jellyfish
And now you get stung if you're swimming in the sea
Our driver gestures out behind the palm trees

And every time a border comes
We go inside and meet with someone
Perhaps a form will need to be filled in
Then we can go and restart up the engines

I sit and concentrate, and try hard not to hate my enemies
I try to picture them dressed up as furry little bunnies
But when I look into their glass eyes
I can see they're cold and hard and pink

Hopping 'round, hopping on their two legs
Cute little legs, hopping around and...

I think of dictators who were known to have been especial brutes
And I try to picture them gathered together in their bathing suits
But when I look down at their bodies
I can see they're warm and soft and pink

Standing around, standing on their two legs
Two little legs, standing around and...

I try to meditate, control my hate just like I know I should
But I can't help myself, and I keep it up because it feels so good
But when I look down at my belly
I can see it's pink and soft and weak

Kneeling down, kneeling on my two legs
Two skinny legs, I'm kneeling down and...

If your toast gets stuck in the toaster
Do not put a fork in the toaster while it is hooked up, or look out
I did and I got caught in the current
Pulled me in and shook me while it held me tight

There are many dangers
They could be in a toaster or a common thing
You must keep a lookout
Remember all the rules they have for everything

When it's very, very cold out
Do not put your tongue on cold metal things
For example, stop signs
I did and they had to pull some skin off
And then they had to fill my mouth with cotton at night

There are many dangers
They could be in a toaster or a common thing
You must keep a lookout
Remember all the rules they have for everything

When they'd taken out my tonsils
I brought them home
Kept them in a jar on the shelving in my room
Between the toaster, stop sign, and my tonsils
I've got lots of things to think about at night

There are many dangers
Could be in a toaster or a common thing
You must keep a lookout
Remember all the rules they have for everything

I threw out a stupid common paperweight
And it went out into the country
To a place where other solid objects lie around
Well, it's quite hard, and so it's probably still there
And when I die, it will still be somewhere

Ha-ha, I'm outlived by that thing and stupid things like that

A man once took a very famous photograph
Went in books and even lectures
Said it was a monster in the old Loch Ness
Before he died, his wife gave him a backrub
He confessed his lie, he took the picture in the bathtub

Ha-ha, he's outlived by that thing and stupid things like that

Scientists have recently just found out
About a fish they didn't know of
That lives along the bottom of the darkest seas
It doesn't need eyes, it's been there a long while
Since back in the times of giant flying reptiles

Ha-ha, I'm outlived by that thing and stupid things like that
Ha-ha, I'm outlived by that thing and stupid things like that

I was walking through the country
And passing through lovely scenery
When I came upon some rotting remains
And though the carcass was wormy
Well, after all, it's all part of nature's art of cleaning

And if I try hard I think that I will see
Some good behind all of this ugly

When my job was garbageman
I'd go out and empty the garbage cans
And I'd come upon some rotting remains
But we'd drive them outside town
And fill the land, and make hills that you could walk around on

And if I try hard I think that I will see
Some good behind all of this ugly

If I were born as a vulture
I'd fly out and circle high in the air
And I'd look out for rotting remains
And if they weren't quite dead yet
A little bite would help things so I could get started

And if I try hard I think that I will see
Some good behind all of this ugly

I sit each morning
Look at my empty notebook
The room is quiet
The air conditioning sounds like rain falling

Manic-depressive composer Robert Schumann
When he could not write
He'd get down on his knees and he would pray for help

It's not as bad as eating your own liver
But still, I'd like to think that there are better methods

I try to tackle the page that lay before me
But then I drift off and think about the concept of ben-wah balls
I rouse myself and I finish washing dishes
Make lists of errands
Make all my phone calls
And then I pray for help

But each time I try to make a fresh stab
I end up just picking at an old scab

When we met, it was in the hot green jungle
Your perfect flesh impervious to anything fungal
You would sweat coconut milk and
I'd lie awake, restless with the heat during the night

Dawn would come and I would start to feel my own sunrise
But you'd just lie, sleeping

And so we went away in search of gentler breezes
When we arrived, I longed to lie and rustle in your grasses
But you would not permit me to retire there
None but a fly might settle on the meadow of your leg

Dawn would come and I would start to feel my own sunrise
But you'd just lie, sleeping

Then we moved on until we reached the tundra in the winter
Of course I longed to kiss her frosty teeth in the cold air
But now I've grown bloated on seal fat
Not even flies will settle on the meadow of her leg

Dawn would come and I would start to feel my own sunrise
But you'd just lie, sleeping

I'm a dog, and I can smell your smell right through your clothes
And I espouse some views that you yourself just might not hold
Sometimes I am given pause to think when
I consider what we could call the good life

When it comes to the city versus the country life
Well, I must say that I far prefer a farmer's wife
Breakfast with the master in the morning
Feel the breeze and brush against a cow's leg - mmm!

But it seems the thinkers you call greatest are
The sort who often fall ill young, or pine away
How can they help but drag the species down?

There's some debate about whether instincts should be held in check
Well, I suppose that I'm a liberal in this respect
I can't say I liked Robinson Crusoe
But at least he didn't tie his dogs up at night

And it seems the thinkers you call greatest are
The sort who often fall ill young, or pine away
How can they help but drag the species down?

How come all your poets fall into despondencies?
And then write it down for us to read every indignity?
Not such worthy specimens, these creatures
Hardly fit for what you could call the good life

And it seems the thinkers you call greatest are
The sort who often fall ill young, or pine away
How can they help but drag the species down?
How can they help but drag the species down?

Now that I've used up all my ideas
Here in my little house by the sea
I search for a usable memory but none comes to me

In grade one, my teacher could do embalming
She'd stuff the bodies of dead little birds
She told us if ever we found one, just to bring it to her

And in the science room was an iguana
It lay very still in its cage
And we'd feed him living flies

Then she'd read the old testament to us
But first she'd remind us the stories were true
And we'd hear of locusts and plagues and the tortures they knew

And in the science room was an iguana
I remember it now in my house by the seaside
Swatting flies